grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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