the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize