Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
