Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize