I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
