After last night, I could never be a politician.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
