Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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