At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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