Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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