Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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