we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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