Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
