I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
