I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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