We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
