I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
