it wasn't lemon gatorade
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
