My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
