yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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