I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
