Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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