Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

You drinking a lot?

(1-850): View more from Florida

No.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Define a lot

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination

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(914): View more from New York

fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.

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(231): View more from Michigan

A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much

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(604): View more from British Columbia

never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man

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(208): View more from Idaho

Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!

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(805): View more from California

I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water

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(440): View more from Ohio

He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.

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