she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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