i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize