Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
