Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize