can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
