Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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