i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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