Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
