i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
