Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize