I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
