Non-Jews are for practice
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
