She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
