Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
