dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
