Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
