You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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