my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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