I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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