I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
