He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
