She's JV to your varsity
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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