laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
