i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
