i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
