There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
