I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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