My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
