some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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