My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
