he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
