She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize