You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
