pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
