Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
