i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
