You just made me feel so damn special
So drunk its hurt
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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