new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
