Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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