Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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