3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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