The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
