Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
