Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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