It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
