all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
