your thong is hanging out like whoa
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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