Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
