Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
