If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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