Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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