Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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