I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
