the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
