Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
