Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
