I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
