the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
