Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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