I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
