we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
