when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
