so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
