i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
