I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
