I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
