I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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