If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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