Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
