im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
