Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it glows. i had to have it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
