youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
