Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
