Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
