i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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