Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
