don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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