my phone needs a breathalizer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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