my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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