i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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