Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
