I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
